Another Update

So life continues to roll on. My weekends consist of driving to Marshfield to spend time with mom. This however will be the longest stretch I have not seen her since this all began...5 days assuming I go up this weekend. Which my husband is trying to get me not to do..."for my mental health". What he doesn't get is that my stomach is all a knot each day until my dad gets there and can tell me how she is doing.

A brief update on her health:

Heart: Doing ok...they are playing with some meds but nothing serious
Kidneys: Same
Head: A tiny bit better. This weekend she even asked some questions which is a huge step forwards.
Rest of body:

I just need to vent here about the physical therapy she is getting. It is sporadic to say the least. On Wednesday last week my father had to bring in the Hosptial Patient Advocate groupb because PT wasn't showing up at all. So Thursday and Friday she got great PT...but then Saturday and Sunday they didn't even get her out of bed! So back to the drawing board on that. I told dad to raise some hell today...so if I post asking for bail money for him you will know why!

Updates and frustations

I know this is supposed to be a blog about my weight loss journey and stuff but thats not what my life is right now.

As I type I am drinking wine from a box and eating too much food from a famous pizza chain that will remain nameless. I thought I was dealing well but I guess not.

I am in Marshfield WI spending time with my mother, only I am not with my mother right now. Why? Are visiting hours over? No. Was she asleep? No. Did she have to go to dialysis? No. Truth is, I needed a break.

I love my mother, but listening to her moan and say "help me" for hours on end is killing me. I want to help her, I need to help her for my mental health, but I just don't feel like I am doing any good.

To top it all off, she has a bed sore on her hinder. Has had it for a week but no one did anything about it. I have really been questioning our medical staff in this country while all this has been going on. I will spare you the details.

So updates:
Heart: Good
Kidneys: Same
Head: Same, which isn't so good
Bedsore: Worse
Eating: Same

Tomorrow is Chrismas Eve. I pray she will have a good day for the next couple days. Well always...but especially these days. For my dad if nothing else. Please please please.

Life is so fragile

So my last post I talked about my moms broken hip. So much has happened since then I don't even know where to begin.

While recovering from her hip surgery and still in the hospital, she suffered a mild heart attack. When they did tests on that they discovered major blockage in her heart (that her cardioligist of 10 years somehow missed but don't get me started) and required emergency bypass surgery. Several hours after the surgery she suffered one of the rare side affects, a stroke. This poor poor woman, whos body has already gone through so much, now has such an uphill battle.

For the last few weeks now it has been touch and go. They adjust one med and it sends her into a tailspin. It has been 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. She is now out of ICU, hopefully for good, but still has such a battle in front of her. She can't feed herself, can't walk, can't even talk much. I see glimpses of my mom in there but just that, glimpses. This makes me very sad, but also happy...when I see those glimpses my heart sores. The other day she said "I Love You" without any prompting...it brought tears to my eyes. And then I see her not able to feed herself and I cry.

My emotions are on such a roller coaster that all I want to do is curl up into a ball and drink. But I know I have to be strong for my mom and dad...so I go on. Please wish my family and myself well in our journey...the road will be long, hard but hopefully some of the sadness is behind us.

Catching up

How does life fly by so fast? And why do our parents have to grow old?

Went to my inlaws for Thanksgiving, won't bore you with details...but on the last day, as we were getting ready to head to the airport, my phone rings. It's my brother, never a good sign. "Mom fell and broke her hip". I freak. Being across the country and out of range left me feeling helpless.

We flew home, and then drove 5 hours to the hospital. Long story short, broken hip has been replaced. She is on the mend, but how long that will take and will she ever be the same remains to be seen.

My mother has a host of other medical issues in addition to a "whoa is me" mentality. The Dr's don't see any reason why she shouldn't be able to get back to where she was at, but we will have to see if that is where she "wants" to be. Because if she decides that she doesn't want to give it 110%, she may be in a home. I am sad...very sad. I wish I had some magic words that would make her want to try that 110%, but nothing I say seems to trigger her. So I pray. I am not a super religious person...but I do believe in a higher power. So I pray and I pray and I pray. Not that she will be well, cause that is already been decided that she can be...but that that she has the desire to live and get better. And I thought as I was praying, you know, in the last 5-10 years, the only thing I have prayed for is my mother. I don't know how I should read that, but this also makes me sad.

So I guess I can sum up my feelings right now as just sad.

Another goal accomplished

Back in January I set myself some goals for the year. One of which was to take a hike. Why the hell would that be a goal? Because getting in shape was an overall goal, and taking a walk for pleasure was something I had never done. Flash forward to this past weekend. My husband and I went away to celebrate our anniversary. He loves lighthouses and the area we went to was ripe with them. One of them, you had to park in a tiny little lot and walk and walk and walk to get to, through the woods, over rocks...you get the picture.

As we were walking back I asked him "Would you consider what we just did a hike?" He said "yeah why?" I told him about the goal and asked him again if he thought it would count towards meeting the goal. Now you have to understand, my husband keeps me very honest about my workouts...when I say I was working at a high level he will tell me flat out that I wasn't...or if I say I worked out for 40 min, he will correct me that it was really only 38 minutes or whatever. So if he says I did a hike, I am taking that.

So another goal done for this year! Yeah for me!

The only goal I have not yet hit is my personal trip goal. I still need to take one trip by myself. I have 2 months to do it...wish me luck.

10%!

When you join Weight Watchers one of the first goals they set for you is the 10% goal. When you have lost 10% of your starting body weight. For me, this has been a long time coming because I have so much to lose. But today, I finally did it! I hit the 10% plus. Got my fancy keychain, got some applause...it was all good. But is this what I feel best about today? No...I feel best that I have finally lost just about all the weight I gained from my lowest loss. I have been feeling like the biggest loser in history because I put so much weight back on, after I had successfully lost before. I was down on myself, I felt awful. This kept me from putting my heart into it I think, I kept thinking, "I won't succeed this time just like I didn't succeed last time"...but now, I feel like I am getting it all back in control. Feeling good!

Total loss: 37 Pounds

In laws

My mother in law was in town this weekend. I have allot to say about it, but I don't want to get in trouble so I am biting my tongue. But I pose this question to readers, is it me, or does everyone out there have demanding inlaws? In asking my friends, they all do as well, so I am wondering, is it just me or is it in laws in general?