Updates and frustations

I know this is supposed to be a blog about my weight loss journey and stuff but thats not what my life is right now.

As I type I am drinking wine from a box and eating too much food from a famous pizza chain that will remain nameless. I thought I was dealing well but I guess not.

I am in Marshfield WI spending time with my mother, only I am not with my mother right now. Why? Are visiting hours over? No. Was she asleep? No. Did she have to go to dialysis? No. Truth is, I needed a break.

I love my mother, but listening to her moan and say "help me" for hours on end is killing me. I want to help her, I need to help her for my mental health, but I just don't feel like I am doing any good.

To top it all off, she has a bed sore on her hinder. Has had it for a week but no one did anything about it. I have really been questioning our medical staff in this country while all this has been going on. I will spare you the details.

So updates:
Heart: Good
Kidneys: Same
Head: Same, which isn't so good
Bedsore: Worse
Eating: Same

Tomorrow is Chrismas Eve. I pray she will have a good day for the next couple days. Well always...but especially these days. For my dad if nothing else. Please please please.

Am I losing my mind?

I did a post like 10 min ago about water aerobics and now it is missing. Am I losing my mind or will it show back up?

Summary, I did it, it was good, will do it again.

Down 24.8 pounds.

Thats it...keep your fingers crossed that this one doesn't disappear.

Water Aerobics

Last night I did something I haven't done in a long time...water aerobics. I used to do it all the time because my friend taught it. But I found our local park has it now, and I gave it a shot. It was fun...hard but fun. I used muscles that I don't use when I do my treadmill workout. Too bad I found out when there is only 3 weeks left of it. So for the next three weeks on Tues and Thurs you can find me at the park pool.

Weight update, I am now at 24.8 pounds lost. Not so bad considering 2 really bad weekends this month. Feeling pretty good about it. Still pissed at myself for letting that weight get back on in the first place...but glad it is going in the right direction.

Weight loss, is it worth it?

Always looking for helpful ideas on losing weight I was doing some research on the new diet pill alli when I ran across this blog posting. Made me snort laughing, enjoy.

http://angryaussie.wordpress.com/2007/06/20/miracle-diet-pill-with-teeny-tiny-side-effect/

I feel like a loser

I feel like a big fat loser.

This weekend I joined Weight Watchers. Why does this make me feel like a loser? Because in the past i have been able to lose up to 75 pounds without any assistance. I just set my mind to it and did it. But in January I committed to trying again and all I have done is lose and regain the same 10 pounds. So when my friend asked me to join her I did.

Saturday was my first meeting and I sat very quietly the whole way there...during the meeting and after. Not my usual self. My friend wondered what was wrong...I said just tired. But in truth, I felt like a big failure.

I know I should feel good I am trying this...since it has a long successful track record. I should feel grateful to my friend for suggesting it. But all I feel is a great sense of failure. To the point I won't tell anyone about it. Only my husband and my friend know. Not my parents, not my other friends no one. I know it is stupid and I should get over it. But I just can't. When I think of my failure I just want to cry.

How is the program going? Fine. A little time consuming trying to figure out all this points stuff...but I am not starving...I am not anything really. I guess I will reserve judgement until Saturday when I have my first weigh in. If I can get past those 10 pounds that I keep losing and regaining...I might start to tell people about it. Maybe.

To gym or not to gym part deux

1 treadmill available when I got there last night. 1. I sprinted to it. I held onto it for dear life and didn't get off until I thought my legs would fall off.

Is it worth it?

To gym or not to gym

Last night I went to the gym after a break. The break was partially due to health issues and partly due to laziness issues, but I digress.

I have posted about this before, but it continues.

I got to the gym last night and every single treadmill was taken. Now my gym has about 15 of them, they have more elipticles then treadmills, but 15 is still a good amount. Frustrated I sat down on a bike for a few minutes until a treadmill opened up. Then switched machines.

Do I continue to get frustrated by the lack of treadmills or just take the warm weather off from the gym and walk outside. Which in many cases I do prefer, but can't do when it is raining like it was yesterday. Or do I suck it up and continue on the track of having to switch machines mid workout? Is it worth my $19.95 per month for frustration? I guess I will go again tonight and see if it happens again. Then go from there.

Wish me luck!

I am a "light" eater

Last night my husband took me to an "all you can eat" lobster place. I ate 5 lobsters...mind you, they were small ones...a pound to a pound and half. I thought to myself, "oh my god I am such a pig!" So I asked the waiter. "Whats the record"...he said...are you ready for this???? Thirty three! I was like, holy crap...I would be puking my guts up. So then I asked..."what is the average"...his answer...eight to nine.

So I guess I am a light eater! Can you believe that? No one has ever said that about me! LOL!

Mondays at the Gym

I hate Mondays at the gym. Everyone goes trying to make up for the bad eating they did over the weekend so the place is packed. Last night I went and there was 1, count it 1 peice of cardio equipment available out of like 50. It was an elipticle machine, which I don't like because it hurts my hips. But I wasn't about to leave after I had gotten there. So I hopped on the machine, did it for 26 minutes which was about when i thought would fall off the thing from exhaustion. I would have then hopped onto a treadmill for awhile but they were still all full!

So I am proud that I did 26 min on the elipticle...much longer then i have ever done on that machine. But I really wanted to do like 60 min on the treadmill with no go. Bummer. Maybe tonight!