I feel like a loser

I feel like a big fat loser.

This weekend I joined Weight Watchers. Why does this make me feel like a loser? Because in the past i have been able to lose up to 75 pounds without any assistance. I just set my mind to it and did it. But in January I committed to trying again and all I have done is lose and regain the same 10 pounds. So when my friend asked me to join her I did.

Saturday was my first meeting and I sat very quietly the whole way there...during the meeting and after. Not my usual self. My friend wondered what was wrong...I said just tired. But in truth, I felt like a big failure.

I know I should feel good I am trying this...since it has a long successful track record. I should feel grateful to my friend for suggesting it. But all I feel is a great sense of failure. To the point I won't tell anyone about it. Only my husband and my friend know. Not my parents, not my other friends no one. I know it is stupid and I should get over it. But I just can't. When I think of my failure I just want to cry.

How is the program going? Fine. A little time consuming trying to figure out all this points stuff...but I am not starving...I am not anything really. I guess I will reserve judgement until Saturday when I have my first weigh in. If I can get past those 10 pounds that I keep losing and regaining...I might start to tell people about it. Maybe.