Role reversal

I heard about it, I saw glimpses but I never really understood it until last night. As you get older, the relationship with your parents changes and the roles reverse. You go from Mom and Dad taking care of you, being there for you, being your everything, to you having to take care of them, clean up after them and listen to their woes.

Let me start by saying that my mother is physically not well. She is on dialisys 3 times per week, uses a walker/wheelchair and has other physical ailments. My father is her care taker/driver/cook/personal assistant, everything. Seriously, in my moms condition, if my father were not there for her, she would need to be in a nursing home and she is only 64. Some of this just is....she has these issues. But some of it is because she has given up and does nothing to help herself and thus her body has deteriorated to a point of no return. This is frustrating.

Anyways

Last night my father was being a grade A jerk and my mom called to cry on my shoulder about it. In his rantings he made statements to her like "I won't take care of you anymore" "Try to figure out how to take a bath yourself" and other really hurtful comments. She was crying to me about this, and I agreed he was being a jerk but I asked her what she wanted to do about it. She said some things that made me cry, like that she didn't want to live anymore. But then she said she just doesn't want to live with him. I agree that if he continues to make these threats and mean statements, that living with him is not going to do her any good. So I told her that if she can improve her physical state, at least the part that is in her control, that fine, she can come and live with me.

This thought scares the hell out of me. My mother is needy and dependant and the thought of having to take care of her full time scares me worse then having my own children. But the flip side of that scares me more. The flip side being her getting even more depressed and giving up completely and dying. So what can I do? Now it is up to her. If she agrees to physical therapy so that she can become a little more independent, she may be living with me. I am scared. I am sad it has come to this with my father. I am angry at him for being an asshole. I have so many emotions.

This part of life sucks. Want to know what caused the ruckus? My father does not want to go to his own granddaughters birthday party this weekend. That makes me even sadder.