Making a commitment

With all the craziness of the last 2 months I have fallen off the Healthy Lifestyle bandwagon. My eating has been crap, I haven't excersised and I am not even tracking my food.

So Monday I commit to get back on my Weight Watchers plan. Hell I am paying for it still. And to get in as much excersise as possible.

I am amazed that I have only gained 5 pounds during this time...but still, I need to get back on the bandwagon.

Wish me luck!

Mid January already?

Wow this month is flying by. Not only is it my busy season at work, there is allot going on in my life with my mom. I will try to summarize:

Work:

I am amazed on a daily basis how little people get done during the day and continue to look like they are super busy. I admittedly kill allot of time at work, but my co workers take the cake. They have failed to meet the minimum requirements for their job this month...yet, I have gotten mine done and some of theirs. How does that happen? No clue. Is it recognized by my boss, yeah...so I don't complain too much.

Mom

Mom continues to improve...slowly but surely. In fact this weekend she was able to carry on a full conversation...so I would say her head is coming back. She isn't plugged into anything...no oxygen, no iv's, nothing. The only thing holding her at the hospital vs the rehab center is the bedsore. Which they say is doing well, but will leave her in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks. She is starting to go stir crazy there now that her head is back. Please keep your well wishes coming. I truly believe that peoples positive thoughts help!

Other then that, no time for anything else. My birthday was last week and the best gift i got was to be able to have an actual conversation with my mother. That was such a wonderful thing. My husband got me a GPS system which was a very close second, but Mom was #1.

Tornados in January?

In Illinois yesterday we had tornados in January! Do things get any more out of whack then that?

Another Update

So life continues to roll on. My weekends consist of driving to Marshfield to spend time with mom. This however will be the longest stretch I have not seen her since this all began...5 days assuming I go up this weekend. Which my husband is trying to get me not to do..."for my mental health". What he doesn't get is that my stomach is all a knot each day until my dad gets there and can tell me how she is doing.

A brief update on her health:

Heart: Doing ok...they are playing with some meds but nothing serious
Kidneys: Same
Head: A tiny bit better. This weekend she even asked some questions which is a huge step forwards.
Rest of body:

I just need to vent here about the physical therapy she is getting. It is sporadic to say the least. On Wednesday last week my father had to bring in the Hosptial Patient Advocate groupb because PT wasn't showing up at all. So Thursday and Friday she got great PT...but then Saturday and Sunday they didn't even get her out of bed! So back to the drawing board on that. I told dad to raise some hell today...so if I post asking for bail money for him you will know why!

Updates and frustations

I know this is supposed to be a blog about my weight loss journey and stuff but thats not what my life is right now.

As I type I am drinking wine from a box and eating too much food from a famous pizza chain that will remain nameless. I thought I was dealing well but I guess not.

I am in Marshfield WI spending time with my mother, only I am not with my mother right now. Why? Are visiting hours over? No. Was she asleep? No. Did she have to go to dialysis? No. Truth is, I needed a break.

I love my mother, but listening to her moan and say "help me" for hours on end is killing me. I want to help her, I need to help her for my mental health, but I just don't feel like I am doing any good.

To top it all off, she has a bed sore on her hinder. Has had it for a week but no one did anything about it. I have really been questioning our medical staff in this country while all this has been going on. I will spare you the details.

So updates:
Heart: Good
Kidneys: Same
Head: Same, which isn't so good
Bedsore: Worse
Eating: Same

Tomorrow is Chrismas Eve. I pray she will have a good day for the next couple days. Well always...but especially these days. For my dad if nothing else. Please please please.

Life is so fragile

So my last post I talked about my moms broken hip. So much has happened since then I don't even know where to begin.

While recovering from her hip surgery and still in the hospital, she suffered a mild heart attack. When they did tests on that they discovered major blockage in her heart (that her cardioligist of 10 years somehow missed but don't get me started) and required emergency bypass surgery. Several hours after the surgery she suffered one of the rare side affects, a stroke. This poor poor woman, whos body has already gone through so much, now has such an uphill battle.

For the last few weeks now it has been touch and go. They adjust one med and it sends her into a tailspin. It has been 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. She is now out of ICU, hopefully for good, but still has such a battle in front of her. She can't feed herself, can't walk, can't even talk much. I see glimpses of my mom in there but just that, glimpses. This makes me very sad, but also happy...when I see those glimpses my heart sores. The other day she said "I Love You" without any prompting...it brought tears to my eyes. And then I see her not able to feed herself and I cry.

My emotions are on such a roller coaster that all I want to do is curl up into a ball and drink. But I know I have to be strong for my mom and dad...so I go on. Please wish my family and myself well in our journey...the road will be long, hard but hopefully some of the sadness is behind us.

Catching up

How does life fly by so fast? And why do our parents have to grow old?

Went to my inlaws for Thanksgiving, won't bore you with details...but on the last day, as we were getting ready to head to the airport, my phone rings. It's my brother, never a good sign. "Mom fell and broke her hip". I freak. Being across the country and out of range left me feeling helpless.

We flew home, and then drove 5 hours to the hospital. Long story short, broken hip has been replaced. She is on the mend, but how long that will take and will she ever be the same remains to be seen.

My mother has a host of other medical issues in addition to a "whoa is me" mentality. The Dr's don't see any reason why she shouldn't be able to get back to where she was at, but we will have to see if that is where she "wants" to be. Because if she decides that she doesn't want to give it 110%, she may be in a home. I am sad...very sad. I wish I had some magic words that would make her want to try that 110%, but nothing I say seems to trigger her. So I pray. I am not a super religious person...but I do believe in a higher power. So I pray and I pray and I pray. Not that she will be well, cause that is already been decided that she can be...but that that she has the desire to live and get better. And I thought as I was praying, you know, in the last 5-10 years, the only thing I have prayed for is my mother. I don't know how I should read that, but this also makes me sad.

So I guess I can sum up my feelings right now as just sad.