Change

Yesterday seems so monumental. The change we are about to experience in this country is huge, at least I hope. We need it. This change comes on the heels of so much change in my life. I sort of don't even know how to feel. Looking back a year, if you had told me I would be where I am now, this country would be where it is, I wouldn't have believed you. But here we are. Everything happens for a reason right? Lets continue on with our change and see where it takes us. Here's to change!

Coming back to life

Its been 3 months since mom has been gone. Every day it hurts. But I am trying to come back to life. This little thing found us somehow. She helps.

Mom

1942-2008
I love you mom

Hold the phones

Talked to Dr yesterday. Mom isn't moving to the new unit. He has some concerns, another meeting tomorrow.

Moving along

Had a meeting at the hospital yesterday. They are moving mom to a different part of the hospital. She no longer needs the constant heart care she has been getting (good) but still isn't ready to go to the next phase. Where she is going they will work on her pain managment and rehab mostly. So that is good. Scary too. They are talking about discharging her in about 7 weeks. Now that could be to home or it could be to a rehab center (although no one wants to take her due to her condition). The scary part is her condition. If she has one of her episodes she needs to get on the dialysis machine asap. Near her home, the dialysis machine isn't available for urgent things like that...the closest machine for that is an hour and a half away. Is that enough time? I guess we will start asking them those questions in a couple weeks. But I would really hate to get to the point where she can be released then have her have an episode at home only to either end up back in the hospital or passing away.

One step at a time, thats all I can do right?

More of the same

Not much new on the mom front. The procedure did not take on her back, so she is on limited mobility until it heals. Basically she can do whatever she can until it hurts. So slowly they will start moving her more.

She has an intestinal infection that bums her out. But like I told her that is minor compared to everything else she has been through.

She is eating some more again. They say she is getting enough calories in so that is good.

So more of just holding the line.

I have the same intestinal infection...so I figure now is as good a time as any to get back on the WW bandwagon. Today is day 1. I have had no appetite for 6 days so all is good. I should lose weight at least.

Will update more when there is more to update. I am ok right now with the no news is good news theory that seems to be going on.

3 steps forward 2 back

After complaining of back pain, they did xrays on mom only to find that she has osteoperosis and a cracked vertabrae. So she is back in bed 24/7 and hopped up on pain pills. Refusing to eat and demanding a feeding tube. Which is riduculous because only 72 hours ago she was eating just fine. This angers my father, he feels mom is just being "lazy" and doesn't want to do any work on the eating front. I say it is the pills making her this crazy. Cause she knows it doesn't make sense...but the pills make everything sound good. I am sure someone at the hospital said "if you don't eat you will have to get a feeding tube" and she said good...give me one. But dad won't listen...he thinks she is just being stubborn and saying that if she insists on a feeding tube he is done, he is having nothing to do with her anymore because he can't handle it.

I talked to the head nurse, and she agreed that it seems like a drastic measure seeing as sometime this week mom should have a procedure done that will fix the back and will feel immediate relief. Thus, she should be back to her eating. Now dad thinks that she should still be plowing the 2100 calories a day down that she was doing before. I understand that with pain she might not be that hungry. So in talking with the head nurse/dad/myself, we agreed that we are going to try to get her to drink her ensure drink at each meal. That is 1500 calories a day and more then sufficient. Its also the same thing they would put in a feeding tube. They are also going to tell her she has to do it. Period. Because if you give her an option she won't do it. Which is what happened this weekend. The nurse on duty said she wouldn't force mom to eat so she was lucky to eat 500 calories each day. So now the nurses are under orders that they have to tell her she has to drink her drink period...if she eats on top of that its a bonus...but not drinking the drink isn't an option.

I feel this is a huge setback and am severly anxious about it. Probably mostly by my fathers attitude. I worry about him. I worry about mom. What don't I worry about?